The season of Festivus is upon us—and we’re gearing up for the Airing of Grievances! And to paraphrase Frank Costanza, we’ve got a lot of problems with some people!
Usually we’re more interested in positive action than snarky comments. But after this tough year we asked ourselves ¿Por qué no los dos?
So this year we’re allowing you to donate in someone’s honor to our Annual Appeal. And we’ll send that person a letter saying you were thinking of them when you supported a bunch of SJW snowflakes in our woke secular cause.
We polled our staff for some juicy suggestions for who you can “honor” with your donation for maximum LOLs. Here’s are some of the best:
Joel Osteen – P.O. Box 4600 – Houston, TX 77210
The quintessential televangelist huckster got rich off of the so-called “Prosperity Gospel”—preaching that poor people simply aren’t praying hard enough, gosh darn it. This guy literally owns a 16,000-seat indoor arena and refused to make it available as an emergency shelter during Hurricane Harvey until the public got on his butt about it.
We had stakes in Harvey relief from the get-go, and we haven’t forgotten about this. Let Osteen know you haven’t either!
Missouri Governor Mike Parson – P.O. Box 720 Jefferson City, MO 65102
Parson signed HB 1606 this summer, effectively criminalizing homelessness in Missouri by banning “unauthorized” camping on public lands. While this form of cruelty isn’t unique to Missouri (we’re looking at you, Austin, TX), Parson gets special mention since Missouri now has to spend taxpayer money defending the asinine law in Supreme Court.
GO Teams like Austin Atheists Helping the Homeless have been alleviating the struggles of people affected by camping bans all year, bringing aid directly to people who lost all their possessions in camp sweeps.
Jim Daly – 8605 Explorer Drive Colorado Springs, CO 80920-1051
Daly is President of Focus on the Family—a vociferously anti-LGBTQ hate group that’s possibly the largest theocratic-right organization in the US.
The group supports “conversion therapy” and calls LGBTQ+ identity an “evil lie of Satan.” This makes Daly a figurehead of hate in Colorado Springs, and a major player in the culture that led to the Club Q massacre.
Let him know you sent money in his honor to a bunch of radically-inclusive rainbow flag-waving humanists with a history of giving huge grants to LGBTQ causes.
Senator Kyrsten Sinema – 3333 E. Camelback Rd, Suite 200 Phoenix, Arizona 85018
Remember when this ex-Democrat from Arizona went to bat for Jim Crow laws while blocking bills protecting voting rights, raising wages, enacting climate action, and codifying abortion into law? GO Humanity remembers. We’ve been giving grants all year to a humanist activist group in her home state helping alleviate poverty.
Senator Rick Scott – 502 Hart Senate Office Building Washington, DC 20510
In the wake of Hurricane Ian, religious conservative Rick Scott urged Senate leaders to provide federal relief for Floridians—then quietly voted against the bill that had the relief in it. Let him know your Christmas present supports Humanist Disaster Recovery teams who are still bailing out the vulnerable constituents he left behind.
We can think of a lot more folks that deserve to be honored with this kind of donation, and we’re sure you can too.
Giving in honor of someone this year? Have a particularly spicy message you want us to share? Email us and let us know!